Know. Define. Love.

Getting boundaries right.

All relationships require definition – something that reminds those involved why they’re with or around each other. 

Many relationships become confused or upended after making discoveries about others that would have been just fine in the right context; or after giving up too much, too soon in the name of openness. While some people swear by living with no bounds – being free-spirits and all; is there a right or wrong time, place and context to bare all?

Let’s say your heart has a theoretical ten zones of access:

1. At level one you give access to people you meet on your commute. Maybe you extend common courtesies.
2. At level two you give access to the person who sells you your daily coffee fix – a regular face.
3. Level three is for your colleagues. The ones you’re not very close to anyway. It’s also where your wider work or career network belong.
4. Level four is for friends of friends. They know a bit about you, but they don’t quite know you.
5. Level five is for your wider network of friends. They know you a little better, but you don’t see them that often.
6. Level six is where your good friends are. You do things together and share in one another’s special occasions.
7. Level seven is for your best friends. They know who they are.
8. Level eight is for family. You love them whatever happens.
9. Level nine is where that special someone belongs. You know who.
10. Level ten, well, that’s where you get to love yourself.

Different rules come into play at each level. You would, or rather should not treat a family member the same way you would a casual acquaintance. In general, you ought to give love to everyone. However, jealously guard access to your heart. What gets in there affects and determines everything you put out into the world and all your relationships.

Picture your heart as a very well looked-after show piece aquarium in the centre of your home. As the owner, whenever you have guests around, you make sure no one dumps their leftovers in the aquarium. If you do, well, you’re left to clean up afterwards! Never mind what happens to the fish!

Your heart is your life source. Literally and figuratively. Look after it and it will look after you. Let access privileges be earned. Don’t expect a level two to treat you like your level nine. Don’t allow your level nine treat you less than a level two… You get the picture.

Know who you meet. Define why you meet. Love in accordance with the level they belong.