Loving Again

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

– William Shakespeare

Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 paints a picture of ideal love which many long for, but only some attain. Why do some relationships just work, and others break down?

If caught up in a string of broken relationships, what’s the best stand to take? Would it be best to give up on love ideals and wait to see what happens? Should you consider getting ‘whole’ before you try again? What does ‘whole’ look like?

Here are 3 reasons for loving again when things don’t go quite according to plan, and you don’t want to wait till you complete the journey to personal wholeness:

1. You are a lovable person!

We all have flaws! Unless an individual is a narcissistic sociopath who makes a conscious choice not to love or be loved, everyone can (potentially) experience faithful and committed love. Sometimes the search may drag a while, but don’t allow your past experiences and put downs cause you to see yourself as unlovable. Do address all toxic behaviours in your life, but don’t wait till you have it all together to love yourself and give room to others to love you.

2. You have something inside of you that will help someone else on their journey to wholeness.

Great relationships are a product of healthy, personal choices. We don’t exist in isolation, because we need each other. Not in a ‘can’t live without you’ sense, but in a ‘I choose to live with you’ sense. It may be clichéd, but there is a man or woman out there whose life will take an even more positive turn when they find you. Or you find them.

3. You know that isolation is not best for you, and you recognise that you are your best self when you allow yourself to be loved.

There’s a place for being by oneself, but this should be a part of the total journey towards relationship excellence. You need someone who’ll always be on your team, rooting for you no matter what. You need a cheerleader to get you going when the game of life gets intense. You need that warm smile to look forward to at the end of your day’s activities…

Your greatest triumphs over self-doubt, making the wrong choices, the fear of being hurt again, or a false sense of independence will come when you allow yourself to love again after making reasonable progress in eliminating toxicity as part of your journey to personal wholeness.